Facing Posttraumatic Stress: You deserve to feel better

When I was five years old, I had St. Louis encephalitis (SLVE). SLVE is a virus that can cause serious illness that affects the central nervous system. For those of us that had a severe case, symptoms often include fever, headache, stiff neck, disorientation, and altered level of consciousness. Coma, convulsions, and paralysis may also occur sometimes leading to death, or a permanent vegetative state. Those were the days before antibiotics and anti-virals; to this day there is no known medication that kills the SLVE virus.

I did not comprehend, or understand my experience in the children’s hospital. Those were the days when hospital personnel explained nothing to children. I would fall asleep then wake up in the morning unable to recall where I was. Since I was in a university teaching/research hospital, their primary concern was on drawing large tubes of blood daily; a process that was true torture.  My first memory of the hospital is floating above myself and looking down at my body; I had feeding tubes in my nose. My second memory was waking up in isolation alone with people standing on the other side of the window glass staring at me.

From the time I was five until far into my adult years I had nearly daily thoughts that the encephalitis would return and either leave me in a vegetative state, or kill me. Any thoughts that triggered me would cause panic symptoms. At times I would believe I had conquered my fears. But the fears would sneak back in at unexpected moments. It had been forty years since my traumatic hospital experiences. Once I decided to see a neurologist about my proprioceptive issues. The neurologist, who had an intern with him, had had me put on a hospital gown. When he started the cursory reflex testing using the little hammer on my knees, I began sobbing and hyperventilating. I was again the five-year old child unable to communicate to the doctor who was demanding that I conform to the needs of his day. I felt his judgmental attitude and I felt all the guilt I had as a child for fighting against them as they drew my blood.

Again I thought I had conquered all of these irrational fears (are such fears truly irrational?) until I was faced with needing breast cancer treatment. I made it through the treatments I chose. However, I realized I had developed a set of anxiety, panic and migraine behaviors that were adversely affecting my daily life. Life had become joyless, and hyper-vigilant. I had no emotional reserves to deal with increased work stress.

I had taken a class on the diagnosis of mental disorders as part of the requirements for becoming a licensed professional counselor. I realized that my childhood experiences did meet the criteria for post-traumatic stress. I also realized that left over guilt and irrational beliefs were keeping me from accepting the truth that I had a right and deserved to feel better. (I often would think of the other children in the ward—are they alive are they dead? Sick, or well—to me they are still children suffering.)

I had gone to a psychologist to deal with work stress four years previous. I decided I needed to go back to the psychologist and try to heal this PTSD issue and quit pretending it doesn’t exist. I needed to stop being a hypocrite with myself if I intend to be an effective counselor.

It is natural to feel afraid when we are in danger. Fear triggers many split-second changes in the body to prepare to defend against the danger or to avoid it. The “fight-or-flight” response is a healthy reaction meant to protect us from harm. But in PTSD, this reaction is changed or damaged. We may feel stressed or frightened even when we are no longer in danger.

Anyone can get PTSD at any age. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following have been present: 1. The person has experienced, witnessed, or been confronted with an event or events that involve actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of oneself or others. 2. The person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Note: in children, it may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior.

PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

1. Re-experiencing symptoms:

•                Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating

•                Bad dreams

•                Frightening thoughts.

Re-experiencing symptoms may cause problems in a person’s everyday routine. They can start from the person’s own thoughts and feelings. Words, objects, or situations that are reminders of the event can also trigger re-experiencing.

2. Avoidance symptoms:

•                Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience

•                Feeling emotionally numb

•                Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry

•                Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past

•                Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.

Things that remind a person of the traumatic event can trigger avoidance symptoms. These symptoms may cause a person to change his or her personal routine. For example, after a bad car accident, a person who usually drives may avoid driving or riding in a car.

3. Hyperarousal symptoms:

•                Being easily startled

•                Feeling tense or “on edge”

•                Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.

Hyperarousal symptoms are usually constant, instead of being triggered by things that remind one of the traumatic event. They can make the person feel stressed and angry. These symptoms may make it hard to do daily tasks, such as sleeping, eating, or concentrating. It’s natural to have some of these symptoms after a dangerous event. Sometimes people have very serious symptoms that go away after a few weeks. This is called acute stress disorder, or ASD. When the symptoms last more than a few weeks and become an ongoing problem, they might be PTSD. Some people with PTSD don’t show any symptoms for weeks or months.

Children and teens can have extreme reactions to trauma, but their symptoms may not be the same as adults.¹ In very young children, these symptoms can include:

•                Bedwetting, when they’d learned how to use the toilet before

•                Forgetting how or being unable to talk

•                Acting out the scary event during playtime

•                Being unusually clingy with a parent or other adult.

Older children and teens usually show symptoms more like those seen in adults. They may also develop disruptive, disrespectful, or destructive behaviors. Older children and teens may feel guilty for not preventing injury or deaths. They may also have thoughts of revenge. For more information, see the NIMH booklets on helping children cope with violence and disasters.

Many factors play a part in whether a person will get PTSD. Some of these are risk factors that make a person more likely to get PTSD. Other factors, called resilience factors, can help reduce the risk of the disorder. Some of these risk and resilience factors are present before the trauma and others become important during and after a traumatic event.

Risk factors for PTSD include:

•                Living through dangerous events and traumas

•                Having a history of mental illness

•                Getting hurt

•                Seeing people hurt or killed

•                Feeling horror, helplessness, or extreme fear

•                Having little or no social support after the event

•                Dealing with extra stress after the event: pain/injury, loss of a loved one, a job or home.

Resilience factors that may reduce the risk of PTSD include:

•                Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family

•                Finding a support group after a traumatic event

•                Feeling good about one’s own actions in the face of danger

•                Having a coping strategy, or a way of getting through the bad event learning from it

•                Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear.

Psychotherapy is “talk” therapy. It involves talking with a mental health professional to treat a mental illness. Psychotherapy can occur one-on-one or in a group. Talk therapy treatment for PTSD usually lasts 6 to 12 weeks, but can take more time. Research shows that support from family and friends can be an important part of therapy.

Many types of psychotherapy can help people with PTSD. Some types target the symptoms of PTSD directly. Other therapies focus on social, family, or job-related problems.

One helpful therapy is called cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. There are several parts to CBT, including:

•                Exposure therapy. This therapy helps people face and control their fear. It exposes them to the trauma they experienced in a safe way. It uses mental imagery, writing, or visits to the place where the event happened. The therapist uses these tools to help people with PTSD cope with their feelings.

•                Cognitive restructuring. This therapy helps people make sense of the bad memories. Sometimes people remember the event differently than how it happened. They may feel guilt or shame about what is not their fault. The therapist helps people with PTSD look at what happened in a realistic way.

•                Stress inoculation training. This therapy tries to reduce PTSD symptoms by teaching a person how to reduce anxiety. Like cognitive restructuring, this treatment helps people look at their memories in a healthy way.

Other types of treatment can also help people with PTSD. People with PTSD should talk about all treatment options with their therapist.

Talk therapies teach people helpful ways to react to frightening events that trigger their PTSD symptoms. Based on this general goal, different types of therapy may:

•                Teach about trauma and its effects.

•                Use relaxation and anger control skills.

•                Provide tips for better sleep, diet, and exercise habits.

•                Help people identify and deal with guilt, shame, and other feelings about the event.

Focus on changing how people react to their PTSD symptoms. For example, therapy helps people visit places and people that are reminders of the trauma.

If you know someone who has PTSD, it affects you too. The first and most important thing you can do to help a friend or relative is to help him or her get the right diagnosis and treatment. You may need to make an appointment for your friend or relative and go with him or her to see the doctor. Encourage him or her to stay in treatment, or to seek different treatment if his or her symptoms don’t get better after 6 to 8 weeks.

To help a friend or relative, you can:

•                Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement.

•                Learn about PTSD so you can understand what your friend or relative is experiencing.

•                Talk to your friend or relative, and listen carefully.

•                Listen to feelings your friend or relative expresses and be understanding of situations that may trigger PTSD symptoms.

•                Invite your friend or relative out for positive distractions such as walks, outings, and other activities.

•                Remind your friend or relative that, with time and treatment, he or she can get better.

Never ignore comments about your friend or relative harming him or herself, and report such comments to your friends or relative’s therapist or doctor.

If you are unsure where to go for help, ask your family doctor. You can also check the phone book under “mental health,” “health,” “social services,” “hotlines,” or “physicians” for phone numbers and addresses. An emergency room doctor can also provide temporary help and can tell you where and how to get further help.

If you are thinking about harming yourself, or know someone who is, tell someone who can help immediately:

•                Call your doctor.

•                Call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room to get immediate help or ask a friend or family member to help you do these things.

•                Call the toll-free, 24-hour hotline of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273–TALK (1–800–273–8255); TTY: 1–800–799–4TTY (4889) to talk to a trained counselor.

http://www.cdc.gov/sle/general/qa.html

http://www.ptsdsupport.net/PTSD_DSM-IV-TR_Diagnosis_&_Criteria.html

http://www.ptsdsupport.net/Spiritual_Alienation.html

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/complete-index.shtml

Jumpining for Joy: The mini-trampoline

I began using a mini-trampoline about five years ago after breast cancer surgery as part of my alternative wellness therapeutic approach. Rebounding was the technique my physician, who has allopathic, naturopathic and chiropractic credentials, suggested to address my sluggish lymph system. I followed her suggestion with minimal enthusiasm. The mini-tramp seemed like nothing but a boring child’s toy. 

To improve my negative outlook, I put the mini-tramp outside in the beautiful fall weather—bright blue skies, golden and red leaves, and clear, crisp air. I started jumping. Suddenly I realized the full potential of rebounding to improve my overall health. As I bounced I even noticed my stress and sadness began to dissipate.

Rebounding improves balance and coordination. Although the bouncing is low-impact it provides a good cardiovascular workout. The action quickens your pulse and works several muscle groups at once. Your heart and respiratory system work harder as both organs are forced to fight against the earth's gravitational pull. The mintramp can enhance your motor skills and help to build bone density,

A study published in "The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences"  (March 2009) reported stroke victims and elderly and fall-prone people could particularly get the benefit of mini-trampoline found it improved posture and gait, aided balance and helped to increase joint-position awareness in the ankle. A study published in the journal "Aviation, Space and Environmental Exercise"  (January 2006) found that trampoline exercise was a worthy alternative to strength training in helping to reduce neck strain and injury in pilots.

Rebounding is a type of plyometric exercise, a category that comes with a host of benefits. Plyometrics tone muscles, improve flexibility, enhance muscle response time and improve balance and posture. 

The human body needs to move for the lymph system to work. The lymphatic system is the metabolic garbage can of the body and rids the body of toxins, such as dead and cancerous cells, nitrogenous wastes, fat, infectious viruses, heavy metals. Lymph bathes every cell, carrying nutrients to the cell and waste products away. Contrary to blood, which is pumped by the heart, the lymph system depends on physical exercise to function. Without adequate movement, the cells are left stewing in their own waste products and starving for nutrients. This situation contributes to arthritis, cancer and other degenerative diseases. The rebounding motion stimulates all internal organs, moves the cerebral-spinal fluid, and is beneficial for the intestines. All cells in the body become stronger in response to the increased "G force" during rebounding. Cellular exercise results in immune cells being up to 5 times more active; immune cells are responsible for eating viruses, bacteria and even cancer cells. Rebounding directly strengthens the immune system. 

Rebounding is an exercise that reduces your body fat and is highly beneficial for diabetes and a host of other diseases, provides an aerobic effect for your heart, and gives your body energy when it's tired. Jumping on a mini-trampoline, along with yoga and deep breathing, is an excellent way to reduce stress. The bouncing person enters a trance-like state that provides a wonderful sense of relaxation. Jumping stabilizes the nervous system that helps maintain a relaxed disposition. One has increased resistance to environmental, physical, and emotional stress.

Since rebounding uses the force of gravitation to get it going, it aids weight loss efforts by raising the metabolism and burning a high number of calories. The heart is strengthened and conditioned this contributes to heart’s ability rate to regulate and beat at a slower rate. As the heart and circulatory system strengthens, cholesterol and triglyceride levels are lowered, along with blood pressure. Rebounding improves the immune system along with the circulatory and digestive systems. 

Personally, rebounding has improved the strength, coordination and stability of my knees and ankles. This is so very important for us as we age to counter the effects of osteoarthritis. For the sedentary office worker the mini-tramp is an easy, efficient way to counteract the sedentary nature of office work. For individuals who store the day’s stress in their bodies, the mini-tramp allows one to improve circulation and relax overworked, tense muscles.  It is also a joyful activity that can be done indoors or outdoors.

http://www.ehow.com/about_4565561_health-benefits-mini-trampoline.html#ixzz2619jxF8A

http://www.healingdaily.com/exercise/rebounding-for-detoxification-and-health.htm

http://www.livestrong.com/article/302850-the-benefits-from-using-a-mini-trampoline/#ixzz26165PObg

http://www.urbanrebounding.com/research.html

A Back Pain Odyssey

Even as a child I had a lot of back pain.  I fell over the cracks in the sidewalk and would trip over my own feet. Such is childhood. I would run into doorways. I would be looking right at the glass I was grabbing for but rather than the glass ending up in the center of my grasp I would end up poking it with my fingers and over it would go.

Well some things never change—I still trip over cracks in the sidewalk. I have at least two or three hard falls a year this is not good as we get older—I especially worry about my knees. Knee replacements really do not live up to their advertising hype.

I had encephalitis as a child and thought this eye-hand coordination, visual-motor processing issue was an after effect of that illness. There was a time in my life when I thought doctors new everything and could fix every thing. So as an adult I went to a neurologist. I did a complete battery of neurological tests. The end result was—yes I have inconsistent neurological deficits and there is no fix.

I realized that if I wanted to understand who I am as a body in the mind/body/spirit equation I would have to reason it out for my self. My first step was to choose self-acceptance and stop feeling guilty (left over childhood emotional programming) because I cannot consistently catch a moving target (a ball) or remember tai chi routines.

My approach, as a school psychologist, was to self-diagnosis—what other choice did I have? Diagnosis: adult with a hidden Learning Disability in the area of visual-motor processing. Hidden in the terms that the deficit is not visible to others. The topic of hidden disability and adult learning disability is a topic for another day—but it is a topic that deserves attention and acceptance.

So now I have a label but I do not have an explanation for these clumsy, uncoordinated behaviors. These falls typically leave me with back pain from pinched nerves. Since I am more interested in healing the problem than in drowning myself in liver damaging pain medication, my treatment modalities tend to be massage, physical therapy, and chiropractic.

My clumsy behavior never made sense to me until I learned about the neurological process of proprioception. The position-movement sensation, proprioception, has been described as "muscle sense." It is physiologic feedback mechanisms in which a feedback loop exists where commands are carried from the brain to the muscles and then reports on the muscle's condition are sent in the reverse direction. Afferent information (back to the brain) also comes from other structures including tendons, joints, and skin.

My proprioception deficit tends to put me in the wrong place at the wrong time. My estimate is that my reaction time is two to three seconds off. Typically I am three inches off when moving my body through space and half an inch off when pushing buttons on phone or keyboard. Seemingly this is a very big deal in the act of walking through a doorway or past people in a crowded room. In other words I move faster than I visually process. I say to myself step over that person’s foot and I believe that is what I am doing and then crunch I feel myself stepping on their foot.

My many falls have left me with chronic back pain. Back pain is the second most common neurological ailment in the world — only headache is more common. I choose massage, physical therapy and chiropractic to treat the repeated physical stress and chronic conditions.

I, like many back pain sufferers, often believe that during those periods when the pain disappears that the problem has gone away. But this is not always the case—the cause of the pain does not disappear with the symptoms, and in many instances back pain will recur. If left untreated, most back problems only worsen as time and gravity take their toll on our bodies. After falling hard on my knee and twisting and torqueing my pelvis I have had excruciating lumbar pain for nearly five years. I had sciatic pain shooting through my buttocks and down my leg into my foot. I could walk for about fifteen minutes at a moderate pace but could not tolerate standing after five minutes. I wished I could cry because I thought it might make me feel better. I was starting to feel hopeless, which is not like me. I knew I could not live like this for the next 30 years, in my family people live into their 90s. I refused to picture myself as ready for a wheel chair, when we stop ambulatory movement, walking, we enter into the process of entropy. I honor any other individual’s choice. I just thank God for swimming pools. In the pool I was pain free and could get a work out that maintained my strength and stamina.

I started with physical therapy and back strengthening which created minor improvement but the PT became a treadmill sadist and I felt myself regress. I went to an orthopedic physician who requested I get an MRI. Although, I did have two slightly herniated discs, very slight spinal stenosis, and mild lateral arthritis, I did not meet his criteria for surgery because the pattern of symptoms did not indicate a diagnosis remediable by surgery. I totally respected his response because many people go through back surgery and end up worse off than before. He sent me to pain management for two sets of four spinal facet cortisone injections—no improvement. Pain Management’s next suggestion was a technique where they destroy some of the nerves in your back, a rhizotomy. This is where I said goodbye to traditional medicine.

I was continuing to work with my chiropractor. She asked had I thought about prolotherapy? It is a technique that is meant to strengthen weak, over stretched ligaments, as this seems to be a big part of the problem. I did try prolotherapy and felt 20-30% improvement. My hopeful nature returned completely. I felt I still had not found my complete answer. A friend told me she had cured her sciatica problem with Rolfing. I had heard of Rolfing and knew it was criticized for being painful. But I also knew physical therapists who say no pain no gain and I also knew nothing could be as painful as the aftermath of surgery. My Rolfer was a very encouraging person and I did the complete eleven-session program. She also suggested I integrate Sacral-Occipital Therapy Chiropractic into the treatment plan. I would say I have had another 30% improvement. I still have a tendency to extreme muscle tension as if a muscle in the lumbar region goes into spasm. It is this spasm that is the seat of the pain because if I keep that muscle stretched I have no pain. The next step of my odyssey is to discover if a previous viral infection that I know settled in my low back is in fact the culprit causing the current level of muscle spasm pain.

I did also work with a psychologist and a body energy worker. I am a believer in the mind/body/spirit equation. I address all aspects of the healing of my body, mind, and spirit. I view this odyssey as a life lesson; it took sixty years to get to this point I cannot expect to reverse the damage in six months. The alternative approaches I have chosen have been researched; they are not paid for by health insurance but they should be. Health insurance should pay for therapies that promote health not pain killer medication addiction and physical deterioration.

This is a brief description of Rolfing. Rolfing, A system of deep-tissue massage, also known as Structural Integration, has the ability to dramatically alter a person’s posture and structure. It is estimated that more than one million people have received Rolfing work, many for back pain. Research has shown that Rolfing creates a more efficient use of the muscles, allows the body to conserve energy, and creates more economical and refined patterns of movement. Research also demonstrates that Rolfing significantly reduces chronic stress and changes in the body structure. For example, a study showed that Rolfing significantly reduced the spinal curvature of subjects with lordosis (“swayback”). Rolfing has been gaining popularity in the past few decades as a successful treatment for many types of back pain.

 Your back supports your entire body, using a complex interconnecting network of nerves, joints, muscles, tendons and ligaments. All these components are capable of producing pain in back, low back and surrounding areas. Because the back is connected to the rest of your body, it also means that pain in back can be an early warning of underlying conditions elsewhere in your body.

Large nerves that originate in the spine and go to the legs and arms can make pain radiate to the extremities. The pain may be felt in the neck (and might radiate into the arm and hand), in the upper back, or in the low back, (and might radiate into the leg or foot), and may include symptoms other than pain, such as weakness, numbness or tingling.

Rolfing sees the body and its structure as a series of interconnected and inter-related bony segments. As a Rolfer will explain to you, your body is designed to provide internal support for all these segments. Large sections rest on sections below them and provide support for sections that are above them. In this case, the back, especially the lower back, provides internal support for almost all of your body. To understand how Rolfing treatment for the back works, it is important to recognize that the back pain cannot be understood by looking at the back alone. It is crucial to understand that Rolfing will treat the body not as individual parts, but as a whole, so the whole organism realigns.

Dr. Ida Rolf, a pioneer in bodywork, perfected the technique structural integration called Rolfing. According to Dr. Rolf, the traditional idea of standing up straight, shoulders back, stomach in and head high, actually misaligns the spine and deforms the skeleton.

Rolfing operates through a sequence of hands-on manipulation, the Rolfers move the tissue of the back and lower back toward symmetry and balance that the body demands by stretching and moving the tissue. Rolfing is designed to loosen the fascia, resulting in a freedom of muscle movement and the unlearning of bad patterns of muscle strain and misuse, resolving the source of the back pain. This release should then enable the back to properly align itself. When the back is properly aligned, back pain should recede.

For low back pain as well as disk herniation, Rolfing would focus on softening, releasing, and lengthening the muscle tissue and creating space between the intervertebral disks (most easily seen when Rolfing creates space between the pelvis and the ribs).

Some of the key muscles involved in Rolfing for back pain will possibly be the muscles involved in hip flexion and the connective tissue which surrounds them as well as the various lower back muscles and the strong ligaments that hold the sacrum in place (the sacrum is the triangular bone at the base of your spine which you might know as the tailbone)

Rolfing’s great strength is that it is non-invasive, and hence while undergoing Rolfing you will be able to continue with daily life and even sports, while simultaneously treating and relaxing your back muscles, which will eventually allow you a greater range of movement and increase your flexibility.

Dr Ronald Tarrel. D.O., a neurologist at the Noran Neurological Clinic in Minneapolis, says, “I refer my patients who may be surgical candidates, or others that have had surgery for neck and back injuries, to Rolfing Universally, I have had an 80-85% success rate with these referrals One key reason I refer is that Rolfing offers relief to patients who think their left-over pain is due to failed surgery. They may be so tightly bound after the surgery from the scarred tissue that their soft tissue needs to be released. Rolfing can help greatly with this.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proprioception

http://altmd.com/Articles/Rolfing-Structural-Integration-for-Back-Pain

http://www.rolfing.com.sg/Back-Pain.html

http://www.rolfing-london.co.uk/backpain.htm

My Evolving Fractal

 I, like every thoughtful person, am seeking meaning in life. I know that at times we look at those around us and we pass judgments. I say how can that person (drug addict, pedophile, rapist, or unscrupulous businessman) live such a self-indulgent life? And then I consider someone like Mother Teresa of Calcutta "By blood, I am Albanian. By citizenship, an Indian. By faith, I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the Heart of Jesus."  I am overwhelmed by the beautiful, simplicity of her spirit.  I wonder where do I rank on the humanity continuum—am I living up to my truest potential, or am I taking expedient shortcuts? 

(Mother Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997)Vatican news services retrieved 30 April 2012) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa.

I do believe there is a plan and orderliness to life. I do not believe life is random or accidental. I do not know what language the Creator actually speaks. Perhaps he/she does actually speak the language of math; perhaps (s)he speaks fractal.

“The Chaotic Life: Patterns and randomness in how we live,” by David Pincus discusses

“Fractal Brains: Fractal Thoughts Our Brains are fractal, with far reaching branches,”

(September 4, 2009) by Dr. David Pincus in The Chaotic Life. Researchers from the University of Cambridge took a big step forward this year in understanding how our brains work. It seems that the brain has a fractal organization. This likely gives us much of what we consider human. And at a deeper level these findings may help to connect us in a very fundamental way to the rest of the natural world. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-chaotic-life

 FRACTAL PATTERNS IN NATURE

                                                                                                                                                                             

So what do fractals have to do with Mother Teresa? The beauty that is Mother Teresa lies in the plan and orderliness of her life and her willingness to commit and cooperate with this plan in her life. Is this an easy process? It seems not.

Our Lord wants me to be a free nun covered with the poverty of the cross. Today I learned a good lesson. The poverty of the poor must be so hard for them. While looking for a home I walked and walked till my arms and legs ached. I thought how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health. Then the comfort of Loreto [her former order] came to tempt me. 'You have only to say the word and all that will be yours again,' the Tempter kept on saying ... Of free choice, my God, and out of love for you, I desire to remain and do whatever be your Holy will in my regard. I did not let a single tear come. (Spink, Kathryn (1997). Mother Teresa: A Complete Authorized Biography. New York. HarperCollins, p.37. ISBN 0-06-250825-3.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa

Rather the process seems to ask us to cooperate with a plan. This plan creates incredible beauty whether the Creator is creating broccoli, a sea creature in a shell, or a human being. What is the difference between Mother Teresa, me, and the completely self-indulgent person? I think the difference lies in one’s willingness to cooperate, and have faith in a plan that is grand and amazing---beyond our ability to comprehend. We have choices—do we live in a small world bounded by our self-interest and bodily indulgences, or do we like Mother Teresa look at our fellow beings and think “… how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health.”

I have come to the understanding that I am not meant to be like Mother Teresa; I am meant to be me. There is a unique plan for me and it is beautiful. I am my own evolving fractal.

Be Empowered by Your Inner Knowing

In my daily approach to life I trust my Inner Knowing, this guides my decision-making and actions. I believe this Inner Knowing is at the heart of the Mind/Body/Spirit connection. Inner knowing is a gift, ability, talent given to us by the Creator of All that Is. Choosing to trust my Inner Knowing is an act of faith. It is a moment-by-moment choice and it is my gift to the Creator. We live in a daily moment by moment cooperative creation with God the Creator, All That Is.

I view these statements as spiritual and not religious. I also view them as strengthening my discernment so that I am not manipulated by dogma, doctrine, or fear. We need to trust ourselves—not self-made millionaires, infomercials, questionable clerics, potentates, Homeland Security, or abusive friends.  

I identify myself as a follower of Christ. I really like his/her parable of the talents. Let me paraphrase the story. There was a Master that had a great estate. It was a very luxuriant estate with a beautiful and solid home. There were rich, green fields and sparkling, clear water. The sun was radiant in the sky blessing the crops, animals and dedicated, joy-filled workers. One day the Master said I am leaving to take care of my Father’s business in the next town. I’m not sure when I’ll be back but I will give you each some talents (money). I look forward to seeing what you have accomplished when I get back. The three workers received different amounts of talents. So the question becomes what did they do with the talents? Did they use them well or did they waste them?

In my culture we tend to have a limited view of the definition of a talent. Some would say this parable is about the right use of money (which it may be, as well as, open to other interpretations.) Others would look at the word “talent” in the English language as being an exceptional ability for music, art & design, mathematics, science, athletics, writing, oratory, leadership. There are also many other talents that generally go unrecognized and underappreciated, such as parenting and compassion.

I believe we are all given the talent (or blessing) of Inner Knowing. Some people call this intuition and view it as a quality of self. Others call it Inner Guidance and see it as a gift from God, resulting from a spiritual commitment. Some call it a “gut feeling” and don’t care where this talent came from—they are just very, very happy to have the ability to know what to do in a tough situation. And others believe it to be the result of brain chemicals and neurology.

Where ever you believe Inner Knowing comes from actually doesn’t matter. This talent is yours because Creation (or evolution) gave it to you. Therefore I suggest cultivate it, water it and watch it grow! Learn to use this talent—Inner Knowing.

Just like in the parable the more you use Inner Knowing the more accurate and precise it becomes. A talented musician may exercise her gift 12 hours a day. Daily we need to invest time in our inner knowing through meditation and mindfulness. Until one day, just like the talented musician who has developed the cell memory of a great cantata and does not play music but lives it, you will have Inner Knowing permeating every cell in your body. Inner Knowing will function through Mind/Body/Spirit for harmony, health and well-being.

The Mind, Body and Spirit will be in harmonious cooperation. If somebody tells you to do this or that, you will not be their pawn—for who knows what their motives are? You will be empowered to say Yes, that is good for me, or No, that is not right for me.

Trusting Inner Knowing/Guidance is an essential part of true freedom, and for the healing of the mind and body. If you hear truth you will discern truth, and if you hear an untruth you will know it and you will make an empowered decision. Listening to your Inner Knowing is the path to the right use of your Free Will and to manifesting a beautiful, joyful, healthy life.

Embrace the Power of the Dream

Dreamland is a vast uncharted place that has no boundaries. I believe people do not remember their dreams because they do not know what to do with the dream, or they believe it has no value.  I intend to share a few thoughts that will help open up this aspect of self so you may explore this excellent gift—the dream. I do not record or analyze all of my dreams only dreams that seem to have real power, or appeal. Yes, I have a couple of books in my library that discuss symbols but the mind often creates symbolism specifically individual to the dreamer and her/his current life experience. Always double-check your proposed interpretation with your inner knowing. Working with your dreams is a good confidence builder!!

I first started studying my dreams about twenty five years ago when I attended a workshop at the Adlerian Summer School Institute the presenter was Sadie “Tee” Driekurs. The important things I learned—

1.  Everything in the dream is an aspect of yourself,

2.  Dream symbols/metaphors/actions are very rarely literal, (therefore when I dreamed I stuck a spear through my brother’s heart I realized I really did not have murderous intentions)

3.  One’s dream may have individual/cultural/national/global/and spiritual messages all at the same time and can be interpreted from each perspective

4.  It is possible to dream a dream for someone else and/or to dream a dream with someone else

5.  The dream may continue in your subconscious while you are awake, if this is needed for your growth and development,

6.  Do not worry if you cannot write the whole thing down immediately—note your emotions and anything that seems to hang around in your thoughts--a word or two to help you recall the dream later

Also I was a member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams for many years.  Key ideas I learned here are

1.     Pay attention to the emotion you felt during the dream—write emotions down as part of the dream

2.     How to approach and utilize lucid dreaming,

3.     The historical, cultural aspect of dreaming—dreaming is not new age

4.  Many great inventions were first envisioned in dreams

My Dream:

I was on the side of a red desert mountain.  My father said wait for him and he drove off with three other people. I saw they were showing a movie in the park at the base of the mountain. As I walked to the movie I stopped to look at a display table of books, magazines and handmade jewelry. I found a tapestry chair to sit in to watch the movie. A woman and her son came by. The son sat with me in my chair for a while and then left; he was a nice kid. A man came by and flirted with me—I flirted back. The man said why do you trust me? I said I like the way you look (his energy was good.)

The ground began to rumble and heave. People on top of the Red Clay Mountain began to run down. I said we have to go. He said it was nothing. The rumble knocked him off his feet on to his back. Two others and I helped him up. His back was covered with leaves and I brushed the leaves off. I said we need to run to the car. He said I don’t think so. A giant crack appeared on the Red Clay Mountain and I could see it was chasing the people down the mountain. I began to run. The man began to run. Sinkholes started appearing and the man was swallowed up.

Everywhere I went I told the people to run; some ran and some did not. I ran into a building because every other way was blocked. It was like a maze but I kept running. I ran through an apartment. It was beautiful with much artwork. The husband and wife were arguing and seemed oblivious to my being there and the son played video games. I said you have to run the RED Mountain is crumbling. They looked at me blankly and said what about our things? I kept running through the house past the artwork. I saw the daughter, in a pink tutu, practicing ballet in the living room. As I ran out the front door I said you must run the RED Mountain is crumbling.

I was out on the street it was chaos with hundreds of people running. I saw the parking lot with my car; most of the cars were blue but one or two were red. I got my car. I shouted go, go the red mountain is cracking. The cars took off in a line. Some few cars turned right down a gravel road; most people went straight on the highway. The gravel road went through a dark neighborhood. The highway was lighted. Then I woke up.

This dream is symbolically rich. For another person to truly understand the dream’s implication for me, one would need to know the current context of my life. The emotions I awoke with were: overwhelmed, thoughtful, purposeful, fatalistic, what will be will be. The following are standard interpretations of the notable symbols.

• RED---anger, rage, trouble, misunderstanding, human lust/desire, creativity, endocrine center, base chakra, evil, or aggression
• CLAY—something from which new things spring, can be molded/shaped/formed
• DESERT—not fertile, bleak, abandoned, lack insight or spirit, abandoned wasteland, hopelessness
• MOUNTAIN—higher state of mental development, spiritual heights, understanding awareness, where physical and mental world can be viewed clearly and understood, a challenge/ obstacle to be overcome, an ambition one has chosen
• DESCENDING the mountain—close of an experience, obstacle successfully overcome, the end of something
• FATHER—authority, leadership, power, energetic, forceful, protective
• MAN—individuality of one’s self, masculine side of one’s nature (strength, courage, determination), relates to second chakra/endocrine center, creativity
• MOVIE—see from another perspective, opinions, thoughts, world-view of others
• MAGAZINE—general information, personal insight/intuition
• JEWELRY—spiritual truths/gifts, wisdom, mental health, beauty, that which is eternal
• ART—creative ability, untapped potential, self-expression, externalize emotion, 2^nd chakra
• CHAIR—attitudes, position, stature, thoughts, foundation, belief system, one’s rightful place
• TAPESTRY—visual representation of one’s life story, soul journey, higher self, creativity, subconscious, Karmic memory
• EARTHQUAKE—warning message, break up of internal forces or situation, shattering of problem/one’s beliefs/stance/values
• DEAD LEAVES—things once part of self that now must be discarded
• CRACK—potential opening, or potential problem in current direction, belief systems are crumbling
• SINK HOLE—dark situation/experience/passage, hidden or concealed trap, hole in one’s plans/ideas/thought process
• RUNNING—anxiety, apprehension, inferiority, uneasiness, inability to handle the current experience, inner conflict
• NEIGHBORHOOD—subconscious aspects of self one has to accept and live with
• BUILDING/APARTMENT—place of residence, one’s physical body personality/current situation/experience/temporary lodging or condition; MAZE—confusion, uncertainty, lose of direction, disorganized
• ARGUMENT—conflict between parts of self, internal struggle
• VIDEO GAMES—mental focus/involvement, mental games in which one is involved
• BALLET—corresponds to balance and preparedness
• PARKED VEHICLES—rest or period of inactivity
• CAR—the physical body/self, vehicle to use in life’s journey
• BLUE—truth, insight, spiritual value, wisdom, healing, inner voice, tranquility
• TURN RIGHT—future, that which is fixed, proper choice, good judgment, correct direction; DARK—devoid of life or spirit, the unknown, to be without knowledge/insight, disheartened where one meets one’s self
• TURN LEFT—past, receptivity, open-mindedness, unconscious parts of self, intelligent/logical/focused; LIGHTED—associated with great lessons/truth, higher knowledge, spiritual insight, hope in the midst of difficulties
• Dream Images and Symbols: A Dictionary (Creative Breakthroughs Books) by Kevin J. Todeschi (Nov 1, 2003)

INTERPRETATION:

Key aspects to understanding this dream and to apply it to my current situation are to,

1)    Notice the contradictory emotions on waking up

2)     Notice the conflict between the subconscious/inner/spiritual life vs. conscious/physical/worldly life

3)    Notice standard symbols right/future vs. left/past, light vs. dark, mountains vs. sink holes, argument vs. video games/ballet 

4)    Also it is important to realize symbols are simultaneously positive and negative. This indicates a need for me as a dreamer to have active discernment and not to make quick judgments of  “goodness or badness.”

The dream is a story meant to empower me. I learned many things from the dream but simply put: I am in a period of transition (retired from my job) where I am leaving behind the surface level self that was focused on the work and physical daily needs of every day survival. I am entering a period (work that reflects who I really am) that requires balance, focus, creativity, courage, and determination as I externalize unconscious abilities and my inner insights in a new direction. The dream warns me not to get caught up in inner conflict, my own ruminations can create traps, but to brush off inner conflicts just as I would brush dead leaves off my clothes. Actually there is more meaning to the dream but this is enough for now. My hope is that this dream example encourages you to embrace the power of the dream as it releases healing and motivational energy. The dream is truly one of the greatest gifts the Creator gave us. 

Inside of Time: by Ruth Gruber

I love summer reading. In St Louis--it may be Cardinal baseball fever for many people but for me summer is for reading! This year St. Louis spring was glorious—mild weather, just enough breeze, warm sunshine, and actual azure blue sky.

Now summer is here---like the super-heated 95+ degree summers of my childhood. In those days, before air conditioning, my mother would send me to the basement with a pile of magazines and books to hide from the dual hell daemons, Heat & Humidity. Thank God for the inspired idea AIR CONDITIONING. Those books would transport me from the dim, utilitarian, somewhat musty smelling basement to glorious unknown worlds. Every summer I reread Swiss Family Robinson—it was a hardback with a thick embossed paper cover meant to look like leather binding. The page edges were tan with age. The basement is where reading grabbed hold of me and never let me go.

Now, post inspired air conditioning, I can recline comfortably in my cozy home office, look out the window at the pin-oak trees and study their lacy, green leaf patterns. Or I can read! Sometimes I lay the book on my breast, close my eyes and dream the book—I hear it reading itself too me.

This summer I have really great books. So far I have read Inside of Time My Journey From Alaska to Israel. Ruth Gruber, author and journalist, has become my hero. She was there in pre-WWII Alaska territory writing about the truth of native Alaskans, the scandalous fur trading business, the need for settlers from the lower 48 states, and the Japanese incursions with their huge fish canary ships. I learned so much about the holocaust, the plight of the Displaced Persons the Jewish survivors, rampant anti-Semitism in Europe after WWII, and the US’s role in establishing the State of Israel. This is a true picture of history—not the watered down paragraphs from my high school texts.

Her writing style is clean and journalistic but I always felt like I was there—maybe I was carrying her extra camera bag. Check out her bio:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruth_Gruber 

WORKING: a commentary

Greetings, I have not blogged in a very long time. All I can say is that I have been distracted. I left my previous job, which is a blessing. I enjoyed it for a long time and then it became unbearable—been there done that you say. So I have been mentally reflecting on the world of work. Work means a lot to the person—a roof over your head, food on the table, all kinds of pragmatic practical things, and hopefully one gets to do a few things that bring you pleasure and joy with the money you earn. Yes, I know the best things in life are free—sunshine, a cool breeze, and a loved one’s smile. (I wanted to add clean water to my list of free good things and then I realized free clean water is somewhat rare in the US and around the world—very, very sad, actually appalling.) For many people their work defines how they see themselves in the world and has a big impact on self-esteem and self worth.

I cannot express in words how frustrating it is when I hear government officials refer to educators, civil servants, fireman etc. as lazy thugs. I do not get to say what I would really like to say about those officials because as an educator/counselor I am to live my ethics. It is truly unfortunate that there is no ethics requirement for government officials--an outside, objective professional oversight organization like the law requires me to belong to.

Over the past two years, nasty people at work did me in. I went to work each day bringing 30 years of solid work experience, three graduate degrees and a sincere, genuine desire to help the students and the faculties with whom I worked. The place I worked was an inner city school district—their management model is if we treat you like dirt you will be motivated to work harder, and if we say you are incompetent then we have no reason to raise your salary--very sneaky on the administration’s part. Young insecure workers have their self-esteem eroded to the point they doubt their abilities, then they display a lack of confidence to prospective employers.  The woman they put in charge of our department has known aggressive tendencies. She verbally and mentally attacks others and then giggles and sings to herself after having shredded you emotionally. She meets the DSM criterion for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The question is what can you do if you are employed by a sick, dysfunctional work place? Well, I was lucky enough to be able to go to the union to protect myself. But the power of the union has been eroded in many work places, which is sad. I was financially able to move on. Which is good for me—in the end I am hopeful and idealistic. I know I will succeed at creating a new career for myself.  

But it also makes me sad because we are an integrated social system, every time an administrator undercuts an employee’s self worth, or insults a profession that weakens one of the supporting factors (the worker, the actual citizen) that makes the US economy work. “United we stand divided we fall” in the microcosm and the macrocosm. For example don’t complain if student attendance and achievement levels go down after you call teachers lazy thugs—why would “rebellious” teenagers respect information taught by lazy thugs?

Just in case your curious half of my fellow psychologists are leaving the department at the end of the school year. Times being as they are I’ll probably get emails from psychologists desperate for work wanting to know the name of the school district I left.

A Leap of Faith

Life is all around us and it speaks to us. Nature takes us out of the ego mind programming and leads us to reflective thinking. Like now—the evening sun glimmering on the green leaves of the pin-oak tree—says life is ever present and life is good.


A few days ago, a grasshopper landed on the outside of a window near where I was. Why was that noteworthy—because I was on the seventh floor. Can they jump that high? I do not know but I don’t think so. I believe in the wonderful synchronicity of life knowing I can draw meaning from all that lives with me on Mother Earth. I looked up the symbolism of grasshopper for an insight that resonates with my inner knowing.


Grasshoppers/Locusts medicine includes jumping across space and time, astral travel, new leaps forward/leaps of faith/jumping without knowing where you will land, leaping over obstacles, ability to change careers quickly—Grasshopper is the Chinese symbol of good luck and abundance. Anyone with this power animal has been given the ability to take chances - to act on a whim and jump right in. For them things may not progress step by step as they do for other people progress - but rather extremely fast. When taking that leap simply trust your own instincts on when to make the leaps. Listening to your inner voice and responding to it will lead you to positive outcomes. Don’t be afraid to make that leap, remembering all the while that Grasshopper’s only ever jump forwards and never backwards! You are being asked to take a leap of faith, to do something without fear - this will generally be something that you have avoided doing and is often linked to a change in direction on a grander scale. 
www.shamanicjourney.com/article/6140/grasshopper-locust-power-animal-symbol-of-leaping-forward


By accepting the grasshopper as a gift from nature, the symbolism brings me encouragement. The synchronicity sings. I know that I will be leaving one career behind soon and change is sometimes worrisome-but the grasshopper says, “Take a leap of faith.” 

Who took my joy-I want it back: LAUGHTER YOGA

I have been bemoaning that there is no joy in my life—I have become just too serious. I called out to the Universe—I need more joy in my life. Then I found laughter yoga—what a wonderful experience!!!

http://www.youtube.com/laughteryoga

Research has proved that just 10-20 minutes of fake or real laughter has a profound benefit on the human body.

Check out the website---it even tells you how to start your own laughter club.

http://www.laughteryoga.org/

Indian physician Dr. Madan Kataria pioneered the concept of laughter clubs worldwide. He developed Laughter Yoga, a purely physical form of exercise that simulates laughter with playfulness and eye contact within a group. It does not rely on humor, jokes and comedy and is therefore the easiest method to exercise the entire body system --- it’s a lot more fun that a stationery bicycle!

The most obvious effect is on the mood state as laughter has the ability to elevate the mood within seconds. It releases endorphins, natural opiates which ‘kick start’ good feelings and make one feel safe and comfortable. Laughter is also known to keep away negative emotions like anxiety and depression, which tend to weaken the immune system. It relieves stress, a common cause of heart and blood pressure problems.

Laughter Yoga improves lung capacity and oxygen levels in the blood and thus reducing complaints of asthma, bronchitis and other respiratory complications. The increased level of endorphins reduces the frequency and intensity of arthritic pain and muscular spasms. It is also known to help with insomnia, migraines, allergies, and ulcers.

Laughter Yoga Clubs

Laughter Yoga Clubs were started by Indian physician, Dr. Madan Kataria in 1995 with 

five people. The Laughter Movement is a global phenomenon with over 6000 clubs in 60 countries. Realizing the tremendous power of laughter and its efficacy as the best prescription for wellness, Laughter Clubs have brought smiles and laughter in the lives of many people suffering from physical and mental and emotional upsets.