My Evolving Fractal

 I, like every thoughtful person, am seeking meaning in life. I know that at times we look at those around us and we pass judgments. I say how can that person (drug addict, pedophile, rapist, or unscrupulous businessman) live such a self-indulgent life? And then I consider someone like Mother Teresa of Calcutta "By blood, I am Albanian. By citizenship, an Indian. By faith, I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the Heart of Jesus."  I am overwhelmed by the beautiful, simplicity of her spirit.  I wonder where do I rank on the humanity continuum—am I living up to my truest potential, or am I taking expedient shortcuts? 

(Mother Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997)Vatican news services retrieved 30 April 2012) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa.

I do believe there is a plan and orderliness to life. I do not believe life is random or accidental. I do not know what language the Creator actually speaks. Perhaps he/she does actually speak the language of math; perhaps (s)he speaks fractal.

“The Chaotic Life: Patterns and randomness in how we live,” by David Pincus discusses

“Fractal Brains: Fractal Thoughts Our Brains are fractal, with far reaching branches,”

(September 4, 2009) by Dr. David Pincus in The Chaotic Life. Researchers from the University of Cambridge took a big step forward this year in understanding how our brains work. It seems that the brain has a fractal organization. This likely gives us much of what we consider human. And at a deeper level these findings may help to connect us in a very fundamental way to the rest of the natural world. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-chaotic-life

 FRACTAL PATTERNS IN NATURE

                                                                                                                                                                             

So what do fractals have to do with Mother Teresa? The beauty that is Mother Teresa lies in the plan and orderliness of her life and her willingness to commit and cooperate with this plan in her life. Is this an easy process? It seems not.

Our Lord wants me to be a free nun covered with the poverty of the cross. Today I learned a good lesson. The poverty of the poor must be so hard for them. While looking for a home I walked and walked till my arms and legs ached. I thought how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health. Then the comfort of Loreto [her former order] came to tempt me. 'You have only to say the word and all that will be yours again,' the Tempter kept on saying ... Of free choice, my God, and out of love for you, I desire to remain and do whatever be your Holy will in my regard. I did not let a single tear come. (Spink, Kathryn (1997). Mother Teresa: A Complete Authorized Biography. New York. HarperCollins, p.37. ISBN 0-06-250825-3.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa

Rather the process seems to ask us to cooperate with a plan. This plan creates incredible beauty whether the Creator is creating broccoli, a sea creature in a shell, or a human being. What is the difference between Mother Teresa, me, and the completely self-indulgent person? I think the difference lies in one’s willingness to cooperate, and have faith in a plan that is grand and amazing---beyond our ability to comprehend. We have choices—do we live in a small world bounded by our self-interest and bodily indulgences, or do we like Mother Teresa look at our fellow beings and think “… how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health.”

I have come to the understanding that I am not meant to be like Mother Teresa; I am meant to be me. There is a unique plan for me and it is beautiful. I am my own evolving fractal.

What's Your Parenting Style

Why even think about your parenting style? Because your parenting style creates the way you relate to your child and the way your child learns to view the world, himself in the world, and others in the world.

For business types let’s put it this way--you are the CEO of your family--Management--”THE MAN,” or “THE WOMAN,” “THE BOSS”

What does a good  boss/supervisor/manager/parent do: 

        They play a role in creating the company/family culture,

They pay attention to what effects team/family cohesion & relationships,

They create a climate for worker/child motivation,

They model appropriate behaviors and reenforce growth in the worker/child,

They encourage behavior change with encouragement, praise, or logical consequences

The result is a successful business & a successful family. Hard work you bet! 

There are three basic styles of parenting 1) authoritarian, 2) democratic, or 3) laissez faire (let things alone). 

Authoritarian parents--”My way or the highway”

Democratic parents--”Let’s look at the pros & cons and we can take a family vote.”

Laissez faire parents--”I give you everything you want and this is the way you behave?.” “I work hard all day. I can’t make you do anything--what’s that school teaching you anyway?.” “Talk to your mom (dad) I have work to do.”

Typically the parent has a primary style. Both parents should try to maintain the same parenting style and be consistent about it. Inconsistency creates insecurity in young children. While inconsistency gives older children a foot in the door to complain, “That’s not fair! Dad (Mom) lets me do it.

Consistency trains kids not to argue. Be careful to not reward the child’s whining, nagging, or tantrum behavior--this teaches the child he/she controls you.

What worked for me in my classroom when student mis-behavior pushed me to my limit and I was so angry I could not see straight was to say to the student in a very quiet, intense voice (it also helps to display angry eyes) “I am so frustrated and disappointed with your behavior I cannot even talk to you right now. Go sit down in time out until I decide what is the right thing to do. I will let you know what we are going to do about this.”

I like the word frustrated, rather than angry/mad, because it make me feel like I have control over my emotions. To me there is nothing wrong with telling the child I am disappointed with his behavior; it helps the child learn that his behavior impacts others. Telling the child to go sit down in time out is a positive action that is essentially an immediate punishment in the eyes of the child. But it is also a delay tactic to give the parent time to devise a logical consequence that addresses the uniqueness of the problem.

The same old spanking or the same old screaming lecture soon loses their effectiveness.

Unique logical consequences require the parent to do some creative thinking and should create a positive learning experience,

For example the child breaks your favorite vase you inherited from your grandmother, what do you do? “ I am so frustrated and disappointed that you broke my grandmother’s vase. I am so sad I cannot even talk to you right now. Joe, go sit down in your room until I decide what is the right thing to do. I will let you know what we are going to do about this.”

A possible unique logical consequences--”Joe, you will take out the trash and mow the lawn for three weeks, you will earn $40.00 and then we will go out and buy a vase that reminds us of grandma to replace the one you broke.”

This is a win-win. Joe is disciplined. He learns actions have consequences. He learns his parent cares about and supports him. Joe becomes emotionally invested in a positive outcome. The parent and child work togeather for a positive outcome.

PARENTING MYTHS:

Isn’t parenting something you just do? How hard can it be my parents did it.

It worked for my parents--look how good I turned out. 

If it was good enough for me it is good enough for my kids.