My Evolving Fractal

 I, like every thoughtful person, am seeking meaning in life. I know that at times we look at those around us and we pass judgments. I say how can that person (drug addict, pedophile, rapist, or unscrupulous businessman) live such a self-indulgent life? And then I consider someone like Mother Teresa of Calcutta "By blood, I am Albanian. By citizenship, an Indian. By faith, I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the Heart of Jesus."  I am overwhelmed by the beautiful, simplicity of her spirit.  I wonder where do I rank on the humanity continuum—am I living up to my truest potential, or am I taking expedient shortcuts? 

(Mother Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997)Vatican news services retrieved 30 April 2012) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa.

I do believe there is a plan and orderliness to life. I do not believe life is random or accidental. I do not know what language the Creator actually speaks. Perhaps he/she does actually speak the language of math; perhaps (s)he speaks fractal.

“The Chaotic Life: Patterns and randomness in how we live,” by David Pincus discusses

“Fractal Brains: Fractal Thoughts Our Brains are fractal, with far reaching branches,”

(September 4, 2009) by Dr. David Pincus in The Chaotic Life. Researchers from the University of Cambridge took a big step forward this year in understanding how our brains work. It seems that the brain has a fractal organization. This likely gives us much of what we consider human. And at a deeper level these findings may help to connect us in a very fundamental way to the rest of the natural world. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-chaotic-life

 FRACTAL PATTERNS IN NATURE

                                                                                                                                                                             

So what do fractals have to do with Mother Teresa? The beauty that is Mother Teresa lies in the plan and orderliness of her life and her willingness to commit and cooperate with this plan in her life. Is this an easy process? It seems not.

Our Lord wants me to be a free nun covered with the poverty of the cross. Today I learned a good lesson. The poverty of the poor must be so hard for them. While looking for a home I walked and walked till my arms and legs ached. I thought how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health. Then the comfort of Loreto [her former order] came to tempt me. 'You have only to say the word and all that will be yours again,' the Tempter kept on saying ... Of free choice, my God, and out of love for you, I desire to remain and do whatever be your Holy will in my regard. I did not let a single tear come. (Spink, Kathryn (1997). Mother Teresa: A Complete Authorized Biography. New York. HarperCollins, p.37. ISBN 0-06-250825-3.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother_Teresa

Rather the process seems to ask us to cooperate with a plan. This plan creates incredible beauty whether the Creator is creating broccoli, a sea creature in a shell, or a human being. What is the difference between Mother Teresa, me, and the completely self-indulgent person? I think the difference lies in one’s willingness to cooperate, and have faith in a plan that is grand and amazing---beyond our ability to comprehend. We have choices—do we live in a small world bounded by our self-interest and bodily indulgences, or do we like Mother Teresa look at our fellow beings and think “… how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health.”

I have come to the understanding that I am not meant to be like Mother Teresa; I am meant to be me. There is a unique plan for me and it is beautiful. I am my own evolving fractal.

Be Empowered by Your Inner Knowing

In my daily approach to life I trust my Inner Knowing, this guides my decision-making and actions. I believe this Inner Knowing is at the heart of the Mind/Body/Spirit connection. Inner knowing is a gift, ability, talent given to us by the Creator of All that Is. Choosing to trust my Inner Knowing is an act of faith. It is a moment-by-moment choice and it is my gift to the Creator. We live in a daily moment by moment cooperative creation with God the Creator, All That Is.

I view these statements as spiritual and not religious. I also view them as strengthening my discernment so that I am not manipulated by dogma, doctrine, or fear. We need to trust ourselves—not self-made millionaires, infomercials, questionable clerics, potentates, Homeland Security, or abusive friends.  

I identify myself as a follower of Christ. I really like his/her parable of the talents. Let me paraphrase the story. There was a Master that had a great estate. It was a very luxuriant estate with a beautiful and solid home. There were rich, green fields and sparkling, clear water. The sun was radiant in the sky blessing the crops, animals and dedicated, joy-filled workers. One day the Master said I am leaving to take care of my Father’s business in the next town. I’m not sure when I’ll be back but I will give you each some talents (money). I look forward to seeing what you have accomplished when I get back. The three workers received different amounts of talents. So the question becomes what did they do with the talents? Did they use them well or did they waste them?

In my culture we tend to have a limited view of the definition of a talent. Some would say this parable is about the right use of money (which it may be, as well as, open to other interpretations.) Others would look at the word “talent” in the English language as being an exceptional ability for music, art & design, mathematics, science, athletics, writing, oratory, leadership. There are also many other talents that generally go unrecognized and underappreciated, such as parenting and compassion.

I believe we are all given the talent (or blessing) of Inner Knowing. Some people call this intuition and view it as a quality of self. Others call it Inner Guidance and see it as a gift from God, resulting from a spiritual commitment. Some call it a “gut feeling” and don’t care where this talent came from—they are just very, very happy to have the ability to know what to do in a tough situation. And others believe it to be the result of brain chemicals and neurology.

Where ever you believe Inner Knowing comes from actually doesn’t matter. This talent is yours because Creation (or evolution) gave it to you. Therefore I suggest cultivate it, water it and watch it grow! Learn to use this talent—Inner Knowing.

Just like in the parable the more you use Inner Knowing the more accurate and precise it becomes. A talented musician may exercise her gift 12 hours a day. Daily we need to invest time in our inner knowing through meditation and mindfulness. Until one day, just like the talented musician who has developed the cell memory of a great cantata and does not play music but lives it, you will have Inner Knowing permeating every cell in your body. Inner Knowing will function through Mind/Body/Spirit for harmony, health and well-being.

The Mind, Body and Spirit will be in harmonious cooperation. If somebody tells you to do this or that, you will not be their pawn—for who knows what their motives are? You will be empowered to say Yes, that is good for me, or No, that is not right for me.

Trusting Inner Knowing/Guidance is an essential part of true freedom, and for the healing of the mind and body. If you hear truth you will discern truth, and if you hear an untruth you will know it and you will make an empowered decision. Listening to your Inner Knowing is the path to the right use of your Free Will and to manifesting a beautiful, joyful, healthy life.

Embrace the Power of the Dream

Dreamland is a vast uncharted place that has no boundaries. I believe people do not remember their dreams because they do not know what to do with the dream, or they believe it has no value.  I intend to share a few thoughts that will help open up this aspect of self so you may explore this excellent gift—the dream. I do not record or analyze all of my dreams only dreams that seem to have real power, or appeal. Yes, I have a couple of books in my library that discuss symbols but the mind often creates symbolism specifically individual to the dreamer and her/his current life experience. Always double-check your proposed interpretation with your inner knowing. Working with your dreams is a good confidence builder!!

I first started studying my dreams about twenty five years ago when I attended a workshop at the Adlerian Summer School Institute the presenter was Sadie “Tee” Driekurs. The important things I learned—

1.  Everything in the dream is an aspect of yourself,

2.  Dream symbols/metaphors/actions are very rarely literal, (therefore when I dreamed I stuck a spear through my brother’s heart I realized I really did not have murderous intentions)

3.  One’s dream may have individual/cultural/national/global/and spiritual messages all at the same time and can be interpreted from each perspective

4.  It is possible to dream a dream for someone else and/or to dream a dream with someone else

5.  The dream may continue in your subconscious while you are awake, if this is needed for your growth and development,

6.  Do not worry if you cannot write the whole thing down immediately—note your emotions and anything that seems to hang around in your thoughts--a word or two to help you recall the dream later

Also I was a member of the International Association for the Study of Dreams for many years.  Key ideas I learned here are

1.     Pay attention to the emotion you felt during the dream—write emotions down as part of the dream

2.     How to approach and utilize lucid dreaming,

3.     The historical, cultural aspect of dreaming—dreaming is not new age

4.  Many great inventions were first envisioned in dreams

My Dream:

I was on the side of a red desert mountain.  My father said wait for him and he drove off with three other people. I saw they were showing a movie in the park at the base of the mountain. As I walked to the movie I stopped to look at a display table of books, magazines and handmade jewelry. I found a tapestry chair to sit in to watch the movie. A woman and her son came by. The son sat with me in my chair for a while and then left; he was a nice kid. A man came by and flirted with me—I flirted back. The man said why do you trust me? I said I like the way you look (his energy was good.)

The ground began to rumble and heave. People on top of the Red Clay Mountain began to run down. I said we have to go. He said it was nothing. The rumble knocked him off his feet on to his back. Two others and I helped him up. His back was covered with leaves and I brushed the leaves off. I said we need to run to the car. He said I don’t think so. A giant crack appeared on the Red Clay Mountain and I could see it was chasing the people down the mountain. I began to run. The man began to run. Sinkholes started appearing and the man was swallowed up.

Everywhere I went I told the people to run; some ran and some did not. I ran into a building because every other way was blocked. It was like a maze but I kept running. I ran through an apartment. It was beautiful with much artwork. The husband and wife were arguing and seemed oblivious to my being there and the son played video games. I said you have to run the RED Mountain is crumbling. They looked at me blankly and said what about our things? I kept running through the house past the artwork. I saw the daughter, in a pink tutu, practicing ballet in the living room. As I ran out the front door I said you must run the RED Mountain is crumbling.

I was out on the street it was chaos with hundreds of people running. I saw the parking lot with my car; most of the cars were blue but one or two were red. I got my car. I shouted go, go the red mountain is cracking. The cars took off in a line. Some few cars turned right down a gravel road; most people went straight on the highway. The gravel road went through a dark neighborhood. The highway was lighted. Then I woke up.

This dream is symbolically rich. For another person to truly understand the dream’s implication for me, one would need to know the current context of my life. The emotions I awoke with were: overwhelmed, thoughtful, purposeful, fatalistic, what will be will be. The following are standard interpretations of the notable symbols.

• RED---anger, rage, trouble, misunderstanding, human lust/desire, creativity, endocrine center, base chakra, evil, or aggression
• CLAY—something from which new things spring, can be molded/shaped/formed
• DESERT—not fertile, bleak, abandoned, lack insight or spirit, abandoned wasteland, hopelessness
• MOUNTAIN—higher state of mental development, spiritual heights, understanding awareness, where physical and mental world can be viewed clearly and understood, a challenge/ obstacle to be overcome, an ambition one has chosen
• DESCENDING the mountain—close of an experience, obstacle successfully overcome, the end of something
• FATHER—authority, leadership, power, energetic, forceful, protective
• MAN—individuality of one’s self, masculine side of one’s nature (strength, courage, determination), relates to second chakra/endocrine center, creativity
• MOVIE—see from another perspective, opinions, thoughts, world-view of others
• MAGAZINE—general information, personal insight/intuition
• JEWELRY—spiritual truths/gifts, wisdom, mental health, beauty, that which is eternal
• ART—creative ability, untapped potential, self-expression, externalize emotion, 2^nd chakra
• CHAIR—attitudes, position, stature, thoughts, foundation, belief system, one’s rightful place
• TAPESTRY—visual representation of one’s life story, soul journey, higher self, creativity, subconscious, Karmic memory
• EARTHQUAKE—warning message, break up of internal forces or situation, shattering of problem/one’s beliefs/stance/values
• DEAD LEAVES—things once part of self that now must be discarded
• CRACK—potential opening, or potential problem in current direction, belief systems are crumbling
• SINK HOLE—dark situation/experience/passage, hidden or concealed trap, hole in one’s plans/ideas/thought process
• RUNNING—anxiety, apprehension, inferiority, uneasiness, inability to handle the current experience, inner conflict
• NEIGHBORHOOD—subconscious aspects of self one has to accept and live with
• BUILDING/APARTMENT—place of residence, one’s physical body personality/current situation/experience/temporary lodging or condition; MAZE—confusion, uncertainty, lose of direction, disorganized
• ARGUMENT—conflict between parts of self, internal struggle
• VIDEO GAMES—mental focus/involvement, mental games in which one is involved
• BALLET—corresponds to balance and preparedness
• PARKED VEHICLES—rest or period of inactivity
• CAR—the physical body/self, vehicle to use in life’s journey
• BLUE—truth, insight, spiritual value, wisdom, healing, inner voice, tranquility
• TURN RIGHT—future, that which is fixed, proper choice, good judgment, correct direction; DARK—devoid of life or spirit, the unknown, to be without knowledge/insight, disheartened where one meets one’s self
• TURN LEFT—past, receptivity, open-mindedness, unconscious parts of self, intelligent/logical/focused; LIGHTED—associated with great lessons/truth, higher knowledge, spiritual insight, hope in the midst of difficulties
• Dream Images and Symbols: A Dictionary (Creative Breakthroughs Books) by Kevin J. Todeschi (Nov 1, 2003)

INTERPRETATION:

Key aspects to understanding this dream and to apply it to my current situation are to,

1)    Notice the contradictory emotions on waking up

2)     Notice the conflict between the subconscious/inner/spiritual life vs. conscious/physical/worldly life

3)    Notice standard symbols right/future vs. left/past, light vs. dark, mountains vs. sink holes, argument vs. video games/ballet 

4)    Also it is important to realize symbols are simultaneously positive and negative. This indicates a need for me as a dreamer to have active discernment and not to make quick judgments of  “goodness or badness.”

The dream is a story meant to empower me. I learned many things from the dream but simply put: I am in a period of transition (retired from my job) where I am leaving behind the surface level self that was focused on the work and physical daily needs of every day survival. I am entering a period (work that reflects who I really am) that requires balance, focus, creativity, courage, and determination as I externalize unconscious abilities and my inner insights in a new direction. The dream warns me not to get caught up in inner conflict, my own ruminations can create traps, but to brush off inner conflicts just as I would brush dead leaves off my clothes. Actually there is more meaning to the dream but this is enough for now. My hope is that this dream example encourages you to embrace the power of the dream as it releases healing and motivational energy. The dream is truly one of the greatest gifts the Creator gave us.