Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., in her article On Grief, Loss
and Coping quotes Rob Zucker, grief counselor, “We don’t come into our grief as
a blank slate. What you bring to the table will impact how you process your
loss.” Journalist Ruth Davis Konigsberg in her book, The Truth
About Grief: The Myth of its Five Stages and the New Science of Loss,
tells us “…probably the most
accurate predictors of how someone will grieve are their personality and
temperament before the loss.”
Zucker, author of The Journey
Through Grief and Loss: Helping Yourself and Your Child When Grief Is Shared,
describes several patterns or themes that individuals may experience. Following
the loss, some individuals experience a deep sense of disbelief, which might
serve as a buffer in processing the harshness of reality. Zucker states high
levels of anxiety also are common while some individuals experience “an absence
of emotions,” they question “What’s wrong with me?”
Research has shown we tend to accommodate and recover after
loss more quickly than previously thought. For most people the intense grief
with symptoms such as depression, anxiety, shock and intrusive thoughts tends
to subside within six months. However, other studies show that although these
symptoms dissipate we “still continue to think about and miss [our] loved ones
for decades. Loss is forever, but acute grief is not…”
Resilience is the individual’s ability to adapt or rebound
quickly from change, illness, or bad fortune. In the past resilience was
considered rare and reserved for particularly healthy people. However, Bonanno
writes in a 2004 American Psychologist “Resilience to the unsettling effects of
interpersonal loss is not rare but relatively common…and does not lead to
delayed grief reactions.” Zucker tells us there is “no prescription or
rulebook” for coping. There are lots of different ways to cope with grief,
Bonanno said. Often coping with grief is about just getting it done, putting
one foot in front of the other, or doing what feels right to you.
Research shows that “only people who are doing poorly [with
grief] should get treatment.
Only about 15 percent of people experience complicated
grief. Zucker reports effective treatments focus on getting people back into
their life and moving forward.
Research, by Crescence Allen, psychologist, shows that
coping activities need to be consistent with your personality traits. Internal
locus of control individual’s benefit by activities such as journaling, listening
to music or reading self-help books. External locus of control individuals will
gravitate to self-help groups, confiding in friends and group projects. Both
personality types respond to and benefit by spiritual activities.
J. William Worden, professor of psychology at Harvard
Medical School, tells us grief is work. The tasks are to accept the reality of
the loss; work through to the pain of grief; adjust to an environment in which
the deceased is missing; and emotionally let go and move on with life.
Worden reports there is no magic in the one- or two-year
healing date following a loss. His model acknowledges that death does not end a
relationship; moving forward is a dynamic process that may continue through the
life cycle. He believes personalized, meaningful commemoration, and rituals may
facilitate this [healing] process.
Love endures death. Worden tells us the loss of a significant loved one is not something just to be "gotten over.” The work of grief involves learning to live with and adjust to the loss, according to Worden. The goals of grief work include regaining an interest in life, feeling hopeful again, redefining and recreating a purpose.
Love endures death. Worden tells us the loss of a significant loved one is not something just to be "gotten over.” The work of grief involves learning to live with and adjust to the loss, according to Worden. The goals of grief work include regaining an interest in life, feeling hopeful again, redefining and recreating a purpose.
Grief is of the spirit, mind, and emotions while stress is
the body's response. When the self feels in peril of physical death, the body
reacts with fight, flight, or freeze behavior. This fear sets off a biochemical
chain reaction leading to feelings of panic, such as dizziness, rapid
breathing, or a racing heartbeat.
We often are more compassionate to other’s emotional and
physical needs but turn a blind eye to our own needs. It is essential to watch
for and keep aware of the body’s post-traumatic stress reactions an inability
to work or function, fears that you cannot control, or recurring traumatic
memories.
The brain is hard-wired with a protection protocol. During
threat, the brain signals the body to release a burst of hormones that fuel the
capacity for a response. Once the acute threat is gone, the body is meant to
return to a normal relaxed state. However when feelings of threat are chronic,
it is essential to develop strategies for dealing with the biochemical stress,
hyper-vigilance and anxiety.
Symptoms Stress
Headache
Muscle tension or pain
Chest pain
Fatigue
Change in sex drive
Stomach upset
Sleep problems
Anxiety
Restlessness
Lack of motivation or focus
Irritability or anger
Sadness or depression
Overeating or under eating
Angry outbursts
Drug or alcohol abuse
New or increased tobacco use
Social withdrawal
When the body is always on high alert, over time, high
levels of stress lead to serious health problems. Develop and practice a range
of stress management techniques before stress adversely impacts your health,
relationships, and quality of life.
Coping Skills for Grief and Stress
Identify your thoughts and feelings and express them in some
way
Share your process with someone you trust
Journal your process what you’re feeling, thinking and doing
Reach out and talk to loved ones
Express your grief through physical activity or art
Consider how you’ve managed and handled tough times in the
past
Develop new tools, such as meditation, physical activity or
deep breathing
Research shows positive emotions and laughter are
tremendously helpful
Meditation and prayer
Participate in rituals that honor your loss and help in the
search for meaning
As we are anchored in our spiritual beliefs, we know we will
see our loved ones again. We know also that no matter how much we miss them,
they would not choose for us to live in sorrow, or guilt.
http://www.chemistryislife.com/the-chemistry-of-stress
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